Welcome Friends!
This very first post of my blog is to help orientate you to Perennial Devotionals with Acayla (me!) and what they’re all about.
First off, I want to commend you for taking the first step. You went to my Instagram page, you clicked the link, you made your way to this first blog post. You did it! And I am so genuinely proud of you.
Second, if you could please, please, just take a second and share my Instagram Handle (acaylachung) or the link to my new website to a friend.
I know that I lived through my accident so I could grow, learn and come back with a message of hope.
If you’re not ready to share now, I respect that. I know having the ability to talk truth and love into someone’s life is a huge honor and with that honor comes building a relationship of trust. I can’t promise to always get everything right, but I can promise to hold your story and your trust in my heart and to hold myself to the highest standard to protect that.
On that note, I am so genuinely honored that you have decided to join me here today on LAUNCH day! I feel like this project has slowly been building my entire life and I am so excited to finally have the courage to make it happen!
In High School, when I started applying to colleges, I seriously considered applying to Gordon-Conwell Theological Seminary. I wanted nothing more than to share God’s word and with my child-like imagination, I dreamed of opening a church called Winn-Dixie where people were allowed to bring their dogs to church with them.
In college, I had the incredible opportunity to sit as the Devotional Chair of my Christian Sorority, Alpha Delta Chi, and as such, pray over the body of women and connect with those looking for guidance. It was such an honor to lay aside what I had thought was truth, what I wanted to do and instead, jump headfirst in following where I knew God was calling me.
During my time as Devotional Chair, I ended up becoming so invested in the Gospel that I wrote so many extra devotionals. There were days where I would end up changing my devotional an hour before I was supposed to share, times where I shared something completely different than what I had prepared and so many times where I wrote just out of joy.
After my accident, every way I spent time with God and in the Gospel suddenly seemed impossible.
It seemed as if my TBI (traumatic brain injury) symptoms had been specifically designed to make me feel disconnected from the one thing I knew could still bring me peace and joy.
I had such deep brain fog; a feeling where you can’t think, formulate words or thoughts, everything just feels hazy; that I quite literally could no longer pray.
Church, my favorite place to be for my entire life, turned into a place that I wanted to avoid. The lights, the noise, the amounts of people - all things I had previously enjoyed - were triggers for my TBI symptoms and left me feeling miserable.
I couldn’t read my Bible because my eyes could no longer focus, I had blurry vision and floaters and on top of all of that, I couldn’t focus my mind for more than a few seconds. If I could get myself to focus to read, I would soon realize I had no comprehension or memory of what the sentence I had just read was.
My symptoms made me feel completely disconnected and abandoned by my God. I felt so lost and confused and as a result, many nights all I could do was sob. I would curl up in a ball on the floor and just let the grief overwhelm me.
I was so hurt physically and emotionally and every part of me wanted to reach out to my God, because I knew He could comfort me, but my body was stopping that from being possible.
I was no stranger to trial but I was used to being able to cry out in my pain. I had never been in a spot where I was blinded with pain and grief and had absolutely no ability to cry out for help. It was debilitating.
I was never mad at God. I knew that my God was not this cruel. But it didn’t change that I felt myself slipping away because I wasn’t able to engage with my faith.
One day it hit me. How different would my journey have been if I had found a way to engage with scripture that accommodated my symptoms? A way that took into account my pain, grief and limitations and gave me a way to engage nonetheless?
I never got that opportunity, but as I slowly grow and heal, I hope I can provide it to others.
So how does this blog devotional work?
It has two parts!
First off, I want to make the formatting and material as accessible as possible for those experiencing symptoms of life that make engagement with text harder.
For this reason, there will also be an audio version of Perennial Devotionals available. Right now, these Audio versions are available under Soundcloud and, the audio file will be linked in each week's devotional for easy access.
Second, I want to encourage a deep sense of community and personal vulnerability.
I want to provide a safe space to personally, or with others, dive into the deep, scary, even ugly parts, of our hearts. I want to examine the ugliness inside in the light of the Gospel, and find healing through our exploration.
To help us connect together as a community and to encourage vulnerability, you will find a “Groups” section on this website. Under the “groups” section you will have the opportunity to join the community and share your story. There will also be a separate group for each book of the Bible or series we work through.
For example, we are starting this devotional blog in the Book of James. Under “groups”, there is a group called “Community Perspective on James”. This is where you can join the community, answer the weekly questions and dwell into thoughts, comments, questions with each other.
Please respect that this is a safe environment. We can only have a community if we treat each other with love and respect. Honor the journey everyone else is on and honor your own journey.
Perennial is a part of my journey and I hope and pray it will be a beautiful part of yours as well.
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