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Scripture for the Week
Jeremiah 1:19
“They will fight against you but will not overcome you, for I am with you and will rescue you.” declares the Lord.
Jeremiah 29:11-14
“For I know the plans I have for you,” declares the Lord, “plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future. Then you will call upon me and come and pray to me, and I will listen to you. You will seek me with all your heart. I will be found by you,” declares the Lord, “and I will bring you back from captivity. I will gather you from all the nations and places where I have banished you,” declares the Lord, “and I will bring you back to the place from which I carried you into exile.”
Devotional
I had a setback in my treatment. For the past three months my husband and I have been driving to Denver several times a week for Neurofeedback appointments to continue pursuing healing for my brain injury. It’s been a huge time commitment, getting up before the crack of dawn and spending four hours of our day just driving. My husband, bless his willing heart, has been missing work hours to make the drive with me and has spent the hour to two hour long appointments trying to do his job on his laptop. It hasn’t been fun, but we started the process for a reason: to pursue healing. We go through the needed actions to try and help me heal so we can continue to heal.
After two and a half years worth of endless appointments and treatments that were neutral to negative in my healing journey, neurofeedback was a pleasant surprise when we noticed that it was actually working.
My progress was slow. I had to stay in the “brain calming” portion of the treatments longer than their typical patients. The treatments that targeted the deficit areas of my brain caused me to be symptomatic. The doctors questioned if our long drive to get to their facility was making the brain fatigue worse - and therefore the treatments unsuccessful.
Behind the scenes, outside of the doctor office and their doubts, electrodes and gel out of my hair, I felt a difference. I felt the painful desire for the career and schooling I had to tell goodbye and for the first time, I felt an inkling of hope that it might be possible again. I felt like I could maybe start adding something besides health to my plate.
I noticed changes. I noticed that with the onset of Neurofeedback I was starting to make progress in Physical Therapy. I noticed that I was able to push through the symptoms for longer periods of time before I needed a break. I was able to start waking up earlier in the day. I was filling more “joy” into my daily bullet journal than I was “sadness”.
And then, right before my twentieth session, the session that marked the symbolic half-way point of my treatments, I had a horrible appointment.
All the conversations I had had with doctors before arised.
Maybe you need medications. I couldn’t take medications, I would love to, it would be so much easier, but I had horrible reactions to them all.
Maybe it’s time to try medications even if you don’t want to be on them. I just told you I physically can’t take them.
Maybe it’s all psychological. You’ve trained yourself to have these symptoms to hold yourself back. I want nothing more than to heal so I can love others again. I was diagnosed with a brain injury. I saw the physical wounds on the imaging of my brain. This is real.
I just don’t think these treatments are working. You aren’t where others are at by this point in treatment. But I thought they were working. I was finally making progress. Slow progress is still a huge leap of progress for me.
In a matter of minutes I went from feeling like I could hope for my future again to wondering why I was even trying at all. I felt the pain it took every single day to just try and live and yet, despite the constant fight, no one ever seemed to believe that I was trying my hardest. And I couldn’t prove that I was trying because often, me trying my hardest, still looks like failure to others.
I was devastated. I wished for the thousandth time that I could stop caring - I dreamed of how much easier it would be, how much less it would hurt, if I could just stop caring.
And then my mom picked me up. She pulled my sad being off of my bed, drove me through the National Park entrance that sat just two miles from our home, and placed me in the heart of the Rocky Mountains.
As she drove, I watched the branches of the trees slowly pass by my window. Some were brilliant green - fresh with new life, others were golden brown - showing the illness of pine beetles, others were still hidden below snow and endless rows of trees in the background stood charred and proud. Their needles were gone, their branches were gone - every part of them burned during the East Troublesome and Cameron Peak fires. But despite their trauma, their frames, wounded as they were, still pointed straight to heaven. The fire took what we considered their being away, but their roots still stood strong.
I let my mind wander through the life and devastation of the trees as I thought back on a concept my husband had shared with me. The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier.
The Tomb of the Unknown Soldier was originally built in 1921 after Congressman and Veteran, Hamilton Fish Jr, proposed having a tomb where the unknown deceased American Soldier could be laid to rest. It was a way to honor soldiers who sacrificed their lives and for one reason or another, had no way to be identified and returned home after death.
The Tomb, created within the Arlington National Cemetery, was decorated with three wreaths to represent peace, victory and valor. On the back is the inscription:
Here rests in honored glory an American soldier known but to God.
While the tomb was originally open to the public, it soon became guarded 24/7 by a regiment called “The Old Guard”. Each soldier within the regiment was highly decorated. Every day, through the decades, a soldier has performed the same ceremonial duty of guarding those who gave their lives for our country.
Take that in. Every single day, every single night. A soldier performs the high honor of guarding a tomb. They perform the same routine day in and day out regardless of conditions. If it starts to rain, the soldier walks the same route. If it starts to snow, the soldier walks the same route. If the temperature creeps up into blistering swells, the soldier walks the same route.
The mission of the Old Guard Soldier is to protect and remember those who have fallen. They carry out their mission regardless of what happens.
How often in our lives are we the unknown soldier?
God didn’t call us to himself because it was the easy path to take. He never promised us days of endless good weather and fun. He promised that His path would be harder, but He also promised that His path came with the blessing of being by his side for eternity.
As Christians, we are called to follow the same routines, to choose the same path day in and day out, no matter what happens - just like the Old Guard Soldiers.
If we are faced with devastation and great loss we pursue the same God as when we face joy and seasons of delight. We point towards heaven like the trees that stand tall in the face of plenty and disaster.
It doesn’t matter how we feel, what we are facing, or who we are facing it with. Regardless of the physical circumstance, we have to choose to walk the same path to God.
Sometimes we will be the soldiers, bravely and proudly walking our route towards God. We stay in line with the path laid out, we trust that God is for us and we continue towards him.
Other times, we are the soldiers within the tomb. We feel lost, washed away and unrecognizable to ourselves and those around us. We rely on the soldiers walking bravely next to us to continue carrying us towards God, while we try and learn how to stand again. We walk the same path not out of our own strength, but out of the love and strength of God’s people.
When we are the Unknown Soldiers, we walk hidden to the world but we have the promise written on the tomb “Here rests in honored glory an American soldier known but to God.”
Even when we feel lost to ourselves, even when we feel lost to the world around us, God still knows who we are. God still knows our dreams, our desires, the hopes that seem too painful to consider. He knows where we lay even if we don't.
We can move past our struggles, we can dare to dream for a glorious future, we can fight for the joy our God promises because He sees us and embraces us even when we lay unknown in the tomb.
Thoughts for the Week
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What metaphors in life or nature remind you of God’s presence and our mission as Christians? Why does this particular item, animal, action, etc., remind you of the God who created it?
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What are ways you can or actively do, fight to walk the same path to God regardless of your feelings and life circumstances?
Brainstorm three ideas to help you remain steadfast in all situations.
Some ideas may revolve around prayer, worship, using your spiritual gifts, finding time to be alone with the Lord, reading your Bible, etc., etc..
Something I added into my day to day life was finding a Bible App that would give me a notification every morning with a daily verse and putting my Bible by my bed so I “have to”/ get to read it before going to sleep at night.
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Prayer
Heavenly Father,
You saw us being knit together in the womb. You saw us taking our first steps and babbling our first prayer. You walk beside us as we try and navigate this wonderful and scary life that you’ve provided for us. You hold our hand when the going gets hard, you pick us up when we can go no further, you jump with joy when we see Your glory at work. And Father, one day, you will see us when we leave our bodies behind to join Your side.
You are our promise. You are the reason we have the courage to wake up and try to be good and do good day in and day out. It is because of the example your son set, that we fight to walk the same path towards You regardless of what’s happening around us.
You are our joy. You are the reason we can smile when our heart is filled with tears. You are the reason we can actively hope for our future while feeling the pain of the current moment.
May we remember exactly who you are, and who we are to you, not only on the good days, but especially on the bad days. Send your Holy Spirit to remind us that we walk the same walk, we fight the same fight, no matter how fun, or how hard the day unfolds itself to be. You remain the same Lord and we desire to walk towards you in a steadfast manner.
You are our God. Our Father. Our Protector.
Be with your children, Lord, because we need You. We need You more than we will ever realize.
You are a good God and we love you deeply.
In the name of the Father, the Son, and the Holy Spirit,
Amen