A few nights back, I felt myself slipping into my pit. My pit is the “space” I feel my heart and soul falling into when my pain and depression start to take control. Much like David’s lion’s den, it’s a long cone that spindles downwards into the depths of the earth. I’m so familiar with this place at this point in my journey, that I know the exact phases of me slowly slipping into its depths.
A small path circles around the opening; this is the spot where I can walk, breath, sometimes even hope for a sliver of a second. But before long, I encounter a sign on the path warning me of danger ahead. This is where I slip and with both arms, cling onto the ground above me in an attempt to not fall down. This is where I know that I am slipping, I know that I am stuck, but I also know that I have enough of a grasp to be okay.
When one arm grows weary, I am left hanging by five fingers. This is where the fear starts to set in. I can see myself falling even though I still have a grasp on the outside world. I know that if someone reached out, if I could open my eyes to see them, I could still recover. But usually and unfortunately, at this point, the fear has already won.
As I start falling into my pit, the sadness starts to creep into my heart. I know where I am headed. I know that I’m falling down and while there might be a rope right next to me that can save me, I’ve felt the fall so many times before that the sadness of the soon to be result, prevents me from even trying to grasp a lifeline.
As I near the bottom of my pit, I start to shut down. I become motionless. My eyes close, my ears close, my heart closes. It is at this point where I feel like I’m already too far gone and I know I have to shut down in order to protect myself and others.
And finally, as I land on my sore bum in the bottom of my pit, so far down where I’ve convinced myself I can’t see the light, I feel trapped. This is the spot where I turn from trial to temptation. I leaned so far into my own insecurities, pain and hopelessness, that I drug myself to satan’s playground.
God didn’t put me there. I know that at every single stage of my fall, there was a redemption line waiting for me. I put me there by choosing to lean into the pain. I put me there by believing if I leaned into the hardness of my heart, it would hurt less. I tricked myself into believing that it was better to feel nothing. I chose to deliver myself right into satan’s greedy little hands.
Take a look at this week's text with me.
James 1:12-18
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him. Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire. Then desire when it has conceived gives birth to sin, and sin when it is fully grown brings forth death.
Do not be deceived, my beloved brothers. Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change. Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.
James understands a vital difference between trial and temptation.
James 1:13-14
Let no one say when he is tempted, “I am being tempted by God,” for God cannot be tempted with evil, and he himself tempts no one. But each person is tempted when he is lured and enticed by his own desire.
Trial can come from God or from Satan. We see accounts of both in the Bible. Consider Job for example, his trial was technically being executed by Satan, but God allowed His good and faithful servant to be tested. In Genesis 22, God puts Abraham through a trial to test his faith by asking him to sacrifice his beloved son. Trial can come into our life and be a good thing.
When God allows trial into our life, it’s a learning tool to allow us the opportunity to choose life and to choose God above all else. This is where our perseverance comes in. No one likes to walk through trial. Abraham didn’t want to sacrifice his son. But, by walking through trial in our life, we are given the gift of walking in blind faith towards our God. It is this blind faith that grows us closer to our Heavenly Father and builds our courage, faith and hope to continue fighting our way forward. Abraham chose to follow his God in blind faith, even though the trial felt too big, too hard, too painful, and as a result, God rewarded him with a new sacrifice to take his son’s place.
Trial switches from being a good, growing and, learning tool in our life to temptation, when we choose to embrace the darkness. When we choose to embrace the lies being whispered into our ears and believe that lettings ourselves grow hard will take away our pain and make our lives easier, happier, better, THAT is where we fall away from God and into the hands of Satan.
Notice, this isn’t God deliberately handing us to Satan. This is us, handing ourselves to Satan. We all have a deep, dark and scary pit in our life that can cause us to believe that walking away from God will make our life easier and better. As James tells us in James 1:16 “Do not be deceived”.
We can fight and turn our backs on this deception by remembering what is true.
James 1:17
Every good gift and every perfect gift is from above, coming down from the Father of lights, with whom there is no variation or shadow due to change.
God is a good God. He doesn’t give us trials to make us hurt. No, he makes the hard and most loving decisions that every parent has to, to give us what is ultimately good and right. He is consistent in His goodness. God isn’t handing us darkness; He’s offering us life.
Knowing our truth allows us to hold onto faith during trial and turn our backs on temptation. It is our truth that God is a god of goodness, light and life. And it is our truth that satan is destruction, lies and death.
It is because of this verse that even when I am at the bottom of my pit, I can start to turn my chin upward and see how I have let satan deceive my tender and broken heart. It is because I know that God is a good God that I can remind myself that my God is not this cruel.
James 1:18
Of his own will he brought us forth by the word of truth, that we should be a kind of firstfruits of his creatures.
In the beginning we were made as original good, original light, original love and blessing. We did not start as sin. We started as good.
It is because God gave us the gift of starting as original good, and being redeemed into that goodness at our cores with His son’s death, that I know in our deepest nights, we are still saved.
Just as quickly as a trial can turn into temptation, we can re-open our eyes, walk away from satan and re-enter our trial. Just because we fell down hard doesn’t mean that we can’t get back up again.
James 1:12
Blessed is the man who remains steadfast under trial, for when he has stood the test he will receive the crown of life, which God has promised to those who love him.
Even if we fall and send ourselves to the depths of our sorrows, even if we let ourselves be deceived for hours, days, months or years, we can still return to goodness. We can embrace our trial as a trial, not a temptation, and we can continue to grow our perseverance, our strength and our faith. And God, being the good and incredible God He is, stays consistent to His word and intentions and still welcomes us home into his arms.
Thoughts for the Week
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Pull out a journal, or a note on your phone, and make a list for yourself of what you can trust is true.
This past week my truth was: I want Jesus and my husband.
Once you have your “truth”, cling onto it with everything you have. This is your power, your tool to use when trial starts to morph into temptation. You can cling onto your truth and use it to shut out the many, many lies that want to drag you downwards.
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Describe, in detail, what your darkest point would look like if it was a physical place. Write about it or even, draw it out. Identify the phases as you slip into that trap.
This is your way to educate yourself on how you slip and fall. This is your opportunity to create a physical, tangible place, to help you grasp your fall from trial to temptation.
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Go through the Bible and find five verses that give you hope.
These are verses that fill you with life and encourage your faith.
These verses are a reflection of who God is and His character. These are your lifelines to remind you that even when you fall into the deepest night, God still wants you, He still loves you, you can still get back up.
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Prayer
Lord,
You see us in the depths of our darkest moments. You know the exact moment our hearts chose to turn away from you in an attempt to stop feeling the pain of life. Fill us with your redeeming grace and great love. Wrap your arms around our broken and weary hearts and help us to overcome our desires that turn us towards temptation. We are a people who chose you Lord. We may fall, we may fail but ultimately, we chose you. Let us be reminded that You have always chosen us. Send your Holy Spirit to give us the courage to keep fighting even when it hurts and to choose our trial over the easy out of embracing temptation. You created us in original good and original blessing. You have never forgotten your children and you won’t forget us now. We give you our lives Lord. Our hope. Our trust. Our faith. You are good and we trust you will deliver us in your own timing and that you won’t leave us to walk alone while we wait for deliverance. You are a good Lord and we love you deeply.
In your name we pray,
Amen.
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